May is Mental Health month in the US and includes Mental Health Awareness week in the UK. For a long time, mental health for me was more of a theoretical principle and something I did not have to work at, but last year a few things happened that shifted that for me. As Mental Health month draws to a close, I want to share my experience to help bring awareness to and normalize the very real mental health impacts of the career we have chosen; and respectfully pass on what has helped me, or rather, what is helping me, manage daily challenges and be proactive about my mental health.

For a long time, mental health for me was more of a theoretical principle. I have experienced stress and maybe even a little performance-related anxiety (hello degree in chemical engineering) but in general, have not had to work at managing mental health.

In fact, I prided myself on being strong, resilient, and independent. I left my home and family in the middle east at 18 to study in the UK, I’ve uprooted and rerooted around the world multiple times (#ConstructionLife), I thrived under pressure, doing well in school, university, and work, and kept level with yoga, meditation, and a supportive group of friends and family. Although I tried to empathize, I was not really able to relate to friends who became helpless, anxiety-ridden, and/or suffered deeply in the face of challenges or stress.

Last year, a few things happened that shifted that for me. I moved from a close-knit and established community of colleagues and friends in Houston to a project just outside of Pittsburgh. Like many of our jobs, there are a lot of people here that have worked together before, but we work a lot and live quite spread out, so I have had a hard time creating the same network I had in Houston – or any of the places I have lived before.

I also started my first big construction assignment. In my drive to learn, work, and deliver I was putting in long hours and not looking after myself. My yoga practice stopped completely, and I had zero friends and few activities outside of work. Construction life also meant I was often the only woman in the trailer (let alone the room) and faced with consistent microaggressions – from being mistaken for an intern (I’m 31) to being called “young lady” or “little miss” to being told to smile, and a few more serious. These were mostly innocently intended, but still served as incremental reminders that I did not belong.

I’m not even going to talk about the weather (and apparently it was a “mild” winter).

On a (more) personal note, I was not as active outside of work as I was trying to be intentional about spending my precious little spare time with my partner – who also works on the job. However, we both eventually realized that quantity of time together is irrelevant, because the quality suffers when two people are not looking after themselves.

I was still delivering at work, and in fact got a promotion and new role after only six months, but the lack of community compounded with the intense schedule, lack of exercise, strained home life, and death-by-a-thousand-paper-cuts of microaggressions left me feeling drained, empty, and alone.

In what I assume what an act of self-preservation, I became more introverted and sometimes even reclusive – which made it worse.

It’s a really hard feeling to describe. Sometimes it’s a dizzying churn of thoughts, ruminating on actions of others or what I should have thought/said/done/achieved. Sometimes it’s just the proverbial dark cloud and generally feeling “low”. I experienced insecurities I hadn’t experienced before. Issues, worries, and intrusive thoughts that I used to easily dismiss became overwhelming and escalated into anxiety …on two occasions, panic attacks. It’s like living right on the edge of a cliff – there were a lot of days I was fine, happy, having fun, socializing, but it took very little to fall off a long way.

Some of you will know what I’m talking about, others won’t (and I hope never will). Many others have experienced much worse for much longer, and don’t have the support systems I did eventually tap into.

So why the (awkward) overshare? In short, a friend who knew the clarity I get from writing encouraged me to do so. She also pressed that sharing here will help bring awareness to and normalize the very real mental health impacts of the career we have chosen; especially as to all intents and purposes I appear to be doing great and achieving success.

For those in similar situations I also want to respectfully pass on what has helped me, or rather, what is helping me (because the truth is even though I’ve used the past tense above, this is still my reality and something I have to intentionally work at every day).

1. Own your mental health.

If you’re not going to do anything about it, no one can do it for you. We cannot resent those close to us for not helping enough, not seeing something is wrong, not doing anything, because many just won’t understand what we’re going through (and to be honest are woefully under-qualified to deal with it). There is also a small but satisfying sense of power that comes with making a conscious decision to get better. Stepping out from the cloud and the “victim mode” mentality is probably the hardest thing to do, but absolutely crucial to gaining self-awareness and the ability to choose to STOP when anxiety hits.

2. Talk about it, with the right person.

This is also not easy, but key to gaining self-awareness, support, and an accountability partner. You’re in a heightened state of anxiety which can bring a lot of suspicion and distrust to your closest relationships, and “reaching out” is riddled with its own anxiety and fear of judgement. But there is always someone. Even if it’s the FREE counselors provided by various help programs, even if it’s me. If your anxiety or depression is affecting your life, relationships, or work, talk to a professional.

3. Exercise

Do not underestimate the impact your physical health has on your mental health. It can be really (really) hard to work up the motivation to go to the gym or do a yoga class, but exercise and especially vigorous exercise releases some pretty amazing endorphins that boost mood, reduce stress, and help you sleep. It also helps to cut back on the over-processed food, sugar, and alcohol can all negatively impact your brain function and mood (sorry to go all your body is a temple on you).

4. Build a community, however small.

Even if you’re an introvert, humans are social creatures who reap a lot of benefits from the feeling of belonging, and for women in our industry the “Only” experience means it’s easier for us to feel isolated. Make time for people who make you happy, even if they are far away. See if there are any groups or networks in your area you could get involved with. Accept invitations to connect. This is one of the main benefits of business resource groups – creating community by bringing together the “Only’s” with a common interest. Time with my companies BRG for women has been one of the key ways I’ve been able to connect and recharge.

5. Give yourself a break.

Don’t be hard on yourself. Some days will be worse than others, and on those days use your PTO, watch some feel-good TV and look after yourself. It’s also going to take time, and scolding yourself for reacting or not making progress will hinder rather than help. You are also not alone, even if it can feel like no one understands. Anxiety disorders affect 1% (40 million) adults in the US, and 1 in 13 globally.

For those on the “outside” and wanting to help, know that most people do NOT want to dive right into a conversation about their mental health (I’m already dreading the sideways glances and sympathetic questions from people around me at work!). Instead work to build real connections in your teams and role-model behaviors of self-care like exercise and taking PTO. Inclusive and psychologically safe environments go a long way to improving mental health of the individuals within them. If you notice someone’s behavior or performance changing, if they’re much quieter or taking more days off, speak to them delicately on if they need help. If it’s a friend, partner or loved-one, be kind and supportive as best you can, ask questions to help them understand what could make them feel better, and gently hold them accountable to it.

As has been mentioned in releases this month on the Bechtel blog, mental health is a deeply important and personal issue for us and our industry.  There is more and more awareness of the role mental health plays in workplace safety, productivity, creativity, and innovation, and besides that, the workforce is starting to choose companies that walk the walk when it comes to cultures mental health. If companies want their pick of the talent out there, we’ve got to get real about what this industry can do to our people, and what we can do to address it.

Personally, I feel I’m at a turning point. It’s not going to change overnight, but having talked through it with people close to me, figuring out what helps, and putting “pen to paper” I feel much more equipped to manage daily challenges and be proactive about my mental health.