Whether it’s bad traffic, a still-lifted toilet seat, or someone interrupting you at work, we all have things that annoy, upset, or full on send us into a spiral, these four steps will help you – gradually – become a master of your reactions and spend your energy on what matters most – you!
The key to that sentence is “us”: regardless of circumstance, the things that make us react have one thing in common. The person reacting.
It’s an unfortunate inevitability of life that Shit Happens, and we can’t ever control it. However, how we respond to that shit is on us.
How you ask? Like most things there’s not a quick fix, but there are practices you can implement over time:
1. Know what grinds your gears: your triggers will often be reoccuring, and often linked to a deeper fear (like taking your partner leaving his clothes on the floor directly next to the laundry basket as a sign that he actually doesn’t think you are worth being tidy for and clearly doesn’t really love you…). You don’t need to know why right away, but learning what sets you off can start to help get ahead of your reaction.
2. Know how that manifests in your body: your body often reacts before your brain does, get tuned in enough to notice it and it will help curb the reaction before it happens.
3. Stop, breathe, choose. When you notice yourself reacting, take one breath, and if you can focus on something else. Change the subject, leave the room, do something you love, watch cat videos on the internet.
4. Practice makes…. practice. It’s not going to happen overnight, but over time. Be patient with yourself, and celebrate when you notice yourself messing up! Perfection is not likely (we’re human), but conscious incompetence is one step closer.
We only have so much time in the day and so much energy to give out. Owning our reactions and choosing to act on things we can control – rather than get spun up about things we can’t – won’t just make for a more enjoyable life, it will leave you with more time and energy to spend on what matters to you.
Like being a boss.